Can you answer my questions?♥
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Lately I feel like everything in my life is going wrong, everything I want slips away. I’ve wasted to many tears lately and I realized no matter how much I hurt or how bad I feel somewhere out there someone’s feeling worse than I will probably ever feel. I complain about my parents and how they treat me the way I think I should be treated but no matter how much we argue and scream someone’s living a life in the dark, abused and hurt, but to afraid to tell the world because no one would ever listen. Each time a boy hurts me, I blame myself for everything and letting the slip away and then not being strong enough to move on to someone else, but someone else has felt a feeling I never felt before and lost it, lost it to no longer being in love, unfaithfulness, and maybe even death. So why do I complain about every part of my life? Why do I blame everyone for everything that goes wrong? Sometimes I feel like no one care anymore, I feel like everyone would’ve been so much better if I was never even here. I lose everything I ever become close too. I lost my mom, I lost my dog that I loved more than anyone could imagine, and I lost the two boys I have ever felt anything for. I haven’t spent one night, that I didn’t spend tears crying. I know God has great plans, but I wish those plans could include him, I want him back more than anything. I don’t want any other man beside me, he’s the only one I want to hold, want to kiss, want to laugh with. Only him, but now he can’t even look at me or speak to me. I laugh, and I smile and say that I’m fine, but the truth is no matter how many times I walk by him in the hallway I’m still not the slightest bit over him, and all I want to know, does he miss me. Miss my kisses, running, and laughing, holding hands, and lying on ground forever talking about nothing. I wonder does he ever think about me, like all the seconds I spend thinking about him? I doubt it, he acts as if he never felt a thing, and I try to pretend, but when I’m not around him, I can’t hold it in. And this is my heart screaming for answers, tear that I shade, and no one to dry them, and this my mind desprate for running away from the pain. I know we had something special, everyone could see it, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut, but I knew the words I kept inside he had to know, maybe it's best i did. Maybe someday he'll realize he lost the best thing he ever had. I don't want to say that I'll still be waiting for him, but he's the only boy whose ever made me forget about him. He's the only boy I've ever had this emotion with. The first boy, our love was strong, but it didn't ever compare to this. He said he'd die without me, and I feel like I've died without him.
We've been together almost a year now.
God is truly amazing, I had this feeling in my gut that I needed to wait it out, and I did. He's been there for me through the hard times and the good, God has blessed me with him everyday that were together. Right now, I think this is where I'm supposed to be...and I hope it's were my futures leads. :)